I have a bit of a strange confession to make. I always sort of hope that nobody reads this blog.
In the beginning, almost nobody ever DID read this blog, and there was something sort of freeing in that. Someone would occasionally comment and I’d think “Whoa! I have a reader!” and it was pretty awesome. I liked getting a handful of comments from sweet readers who felt some sort of kinship with us and otherwise feeling like I was just blogging to the dark.
I have always sort of felt that this was my private homeschooling journal, my barenaked real-me song into the universe that nobody was really tuned into. I talked about feeling lonely and worrying that I sucked at homeschooling and what the neighbors must think. I posted pics of our messy house and rambled over nothing and talked about being that woman with the tacky dress and too much cleavage. When we got Victoria’s cancer diagnosis and spiraled into that epic nightmare of surgeries and fear, this was the place where I finally came and said how I really felt.
I am absolutely unapologetically me here. And so I don’t usually pin my posts on Pinterest (not that I can — it seems Flickr is hell bent on keeping anything you’ve posted there from being pinned if you didn’t upload according to the secret code of the universe to begin with). I don’t post links to this blog on Facebook. I keep it in my email signature, but sort of buried in other stuff and I always sort of think that nobody but those few loyal friends are out there.
I don’t want a big blog following. I like that it’s a few people who for some reason after all these years kinda like keeping up with us. I like that I can babble or rant or disappear for a month, and it’s all cool.
I am currently typing in the dusk with a baby 95% asleep in my lap. One boob is out. My house is a mess. I think I forgot to eat supper, even though I tossed it at my family before most of them dashed to pageant practice.
I keep meaning to blog Victoria’s ever-growing 9th grade reading list, and I want to post a list of all the cool things we’ve done lately, and then there’s Jack and Anna’s horse camps that just ended…
I want to get back to that, because I write for examiner for the money and for Magical Childhood for other people, but here… I write for myself and this quiet connection with a few lone people in the universe. And that, my dears, is why this is my favorite place to write, and why I hope it never gets too awfully popular.
Raise your hand if you’re out there, just this once, so I know who I’m hanging out with. Or not. But know that I’m glad you’re there. Thanks for keeping me company all this time.