» A Bit of a Confession Magic and Mayhem

A Bit of a Confession

Jun 28th, 2012 by Alicia

I have a bit of a strange confession to make. I always sort of hope that nobody reads this blog.

In the beginning, almost nobody ever DID read this blog, and there was something sort of freeing in that. Someone would occasionally comment and I’d think “Whoa! I have a reader!” and it was pretty awesome. I liked getting a handful of comments from sweet readers who felt some sort of kinship with us and otherwise feeling like I was just blogging to the dark.

I have always sort of felt that this was my private homeschooling journal, my barenaked real-me song into the universe that nobody was really tuned into. I talked about feeling lonely and worrying that I sucked at homeschooling and what the neighbors must think. I posted pics of our messy house and rambled over nothing and talked about being that woman with the tacky dress and too much cleavage. When we got Victoria’s cancer diagnosis and spiraled into that epic nightmare of surgeries and fear, this was the place where I finally came and said how I really felt.

I am absolutely unapologetically me here. And so I don’t usually pin my posts on Pinterest (not that I can — it seems Flickr is hell bent on keeping anything you’ve posted there from being pinned if you didn’t upload according to the secret code of the universe to begin with). I don’t post links to this blog on Facebook. I keep it in my email signature, but sort of buried in other stuff and I always sort of think that nobody but those few loyal friends are out there.

I don’t want a big blog following. I like that it’s a few people who for some reason after all these years kinda like keeping up with us. I like that I can babble or rant or disappear for a month, and it’s all cool.

I am currently typing in the dusk with a baby 95% asleep in my lap. One boob is out. My house is a mess. I think I forgot to eat supper, even though I tossed it at my family before most of them dashed to pageant practice.

I keep meaning to blog Victoria’s ever-growing 9th grade reading list, and I want to post a list of all the cool things we’ve done lately, and then there’s Jack and Anna’s horse camps that just ended…

I want to get back to that, because I write for examiner for the money and for Magical Childhood for other people, but here… I write for myself and this quiet connection with a few lone people in the universe. And that, my dears, is why this is my favorite place to write, and why I hope it never gets too awfully popular.

Raise your hand if you’re out there, just this once, so I know who I’m hanging out with. Or not. But know that I’m glad you’re there. Thanks for keeping me company all this time.

Posted in personal | 30 Comments

30 Responses to “A Bit of a Confession”

on 28 Jun 2012 at 9:29 pm1 April

I am here. I am reading. I feel like a voyeur here and on yahoo. I love to read about everyone’s lives and reading what everyone is up to and doing. I mostly don’t respond, but I am here and I do think about you and I wish we lived closer so that I could see you more often than once every year or two. Thanks for sharing your life with me.
on 28 Jun 2012 at 10:07 pm2 Maria

Hello. I’m here! Thank you for letting me in on your personal space. This bare naked, homeschooling journal is what has helped me get through some of those rough moments when I wasn’t sure I could do it. But your great ideas or sweet words lifted my spirit and reminded me that I could be the perfect teacher for my kids. Thank you!
on 28 Jun 2012 at 11:15 pm3 Elf

Hi. Been reading for a long time–years. Not a parent (yet? Ever? Not sure) but have deep interests in homeschooling. Originally from SE Minn, now in NYC. Hi from Queens.
on 28 Jun 2012 at 11:33 pm4 Suji

Just wanted you to know from reading this blog, I’ve developed a deep respect for you. I don’t use facebook so this blog is how I find myself connecting with your adventures with your lovely family. I respect how you seem to face everything head on and announce that you are clueless and all but still…but still, manage to make your readers smile! That’s a rare talent. Hugs!
on 29 Jun 2012 at 4:36 am5 Vanessa

Hi Alicia,

I found your blog through Suji who I found through Kez, who I know IRL … and have become part of your online world since then, a couple of years ago. I like your honesty and I like the depth and realness of blogging.

I choose blogging over Facebook, because I don’t like smalltalk and the public announcements to loads of ‘friends’ concept. I don’t write as often as I’d like because I think too much.

Your recent trials have encouraged me whilst I’ve been going through much smaller trials … you keep getting on with things and you paint the world in bright colours.

Thanks
Vanessa
on 29 Jun 2012 at 6:11 am6 Tara

I’m pretty sure my blog will never have a huge following either and there is real comfort in that and knowing I don’t have readers to please, I can just post my own small truth and be done with it.

I think you share some fantastic ideas here and your humility and honesty about homeschooling keeps me coming back!

All my best to you and your family..

Tara S.
Central Maine
on 29 Jun 2012 at 6:31 am7 Andrea
on 29 Jun 2012 at 7:53 am8 Sharon

I think every blogger and vlogger should express themselves as they see fit, not cater to the audience. The audience needs to take or leave it, and be happy with what’s offered. Personally I like your writing, tell-it-like-it-is writing, as if we’re neighbors sitting down for coffee and you tell me about your day.
And I thank you for the energy you put out to the Universe.
on 29 Jun 2012 at 8:34 am9 Trevi

I’m here because I love you and in the craziness of our lives we sometimes seem to lose each other, but checking in to this blog lets me know that you are OK (or not sometimes) and allows me a few calm, gently smiling moments in my days
on 29 Jun 2012 at 8:59 am10 Liese

I read you when you post because it pops up on the HSJ site. I too think that my blog is my journal, funny that when we were little we’s stash a diary and never let anyone near it – and now we put it all out there. I like reading about struggles and fun things, lazy days and finding new ways to teach something from the blogs I read.

So, keep it up and know that you have more readers than commenters (I have the same thing.)
on 29 Jun 2012 at 9:31 am11 mamie jane

Hi, Alicia, I’m a faithful reader. I hope you don’t mind!

I’m a former history teacher turned homeschooling mama to two girls (homeschooling made me dislike the word “teacher.” Facilitator is so much more accurate and productive).

This is one of my very favorite sites to visit.

Your homeschooling life is so REAL. Enchanting. Authentic. Eclectic. Doable. A lifestyle of beauty and learning. I love the candor and humor of your writing.

I’ve teared up here, laughed here, found invaluable links, and even copied your “Ten Ways We’ve Learned and Played Lately” into my personal homeschool journal. It’s such an easy way of catching up when I haven’t written about all the wonderful things we’ve done in a while.

Maybe I like reading here so much because I too think everything is interesting, because a part of the learning process is utterly amazing…..and because getting to be a mother is the TOP thing I get to do in this one life. You capture all of this so beautifully while still managing to make it all feel realistic!

PS. Thank God somebody takes photos/laments about the sometimes messy state of their house. When visitors unexpectedly pop-in here, I have to move dollhouses and lego pieces off the front porch for them to be able to get in the front door. And um, they haven’t gotten INTO the house yet.

I’ll keep reading here as long as you feel like writing here. The thoughts you share here are a gift to others.

Best to you and yours, Alicia!
on 29 Jun 2012 at 11:52 am12 Rae Grant

Hi-I’m still checking in. Rae
on 29 Jun 2012 at 1:34 pm13 MamaGames

~waves~
on 29 Jun 2012 at 6:13 pm14 Caitlin

I’m here. I’m such a horrible lurker
But you are one of my most favorite blogs, because you are So very real. Thanks for sharing with all of us.
on 29 Jun 2012 at 6:30 pm15 Lani

I’m here All the way from New Zealand. I stumbled across your blog one day after googling “how to deal with a 4 year old”. I was at my wits end feeling like a complete failure as a mother. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! I’ve loved watching your family grow, and I really admire how you embrace all the changes and challenges that life throws at you. I LOVE that you post about being “that” mother. Someone I can relate to! I haven’t cleaned the inside of my oven in four years (oh the shame!), my lounge walls are painted different colours because I couldn’t decide on just one, and if there is a bouncy castle near by you can bet I’ll be on it! Thank you for sharing this space, and for inspiring me and my family
on 29 Jun 2012 at 8:04 pm16 Shawnna

I’m reading along too
on 30 Jun 2012 at 4:11 am17 Kez

I can’t remember how I came across your blog years ago – but I’m glad I did! (And glad I brought a few others along for the ride!)

You’re one of my favourite blogs and one day, I hope, we’ll be able to meet. Because I feel like I know you
on 30 Jun 2012 at 9:11 am18 Miranda

I have been a lurker for years starting with your original website. I used your magical childhood ideas with my own children which helped me through the horrible post partum depression i had with my youngest. My kids are now between 10 – 18 and schooled away from home, but I follow a handful of blogs by cool parents whose great ideas I like to adapt for my kids as time and interest allows.
on 30 Jun 2012 at 3:13 pm19 Jeannie

Hey There! Here, enjoying your ideas and loving stories. I, too, blog as a record of life for myself. Sometimes, when life gets hard, I take a break just to give myself some real privacy. It’s tempting to never return sometimes, but I love going back through the posts and remembering the fun we’ve had. I would miss that. Thanks for letting us share in your stories.
on 01 Jul 2012 at 9:12 am20 Claire Glenn-Atteberry

I would read ANYTHING you write. After all these years of know you and coming to know your family, how could I not? You are fabulous and amazing on every level. I don’t care about the messy house; I care about the people in it. Of course, I myself am still awaiting the arrival of the housecleaning fairy. Yubs you!
on 01 Jul 2012 at 4:49 pm21 Margaret L

I lurk pretty regularly, have commented once or twice. I have a four year old who I’d really like to homeschool. I come here for inspiration.
on 02 Jul 2012 at 8:29 pm22 Leslie

I’m here! (in a late sort of way) I’m sorry this year has been so very grueling and glad that things seem to be on an upswing.
on 03 Jul 2012 at 9:59 am23 Cole

Hey this is Cole here. I love reading your blog, hearing about your adventures and knowing that nothing has to be perfect. I love the pictures of messy houses and knowing that no matter what kids will learn and grow and life will go on.
on 03 Jul 2012 at 6:41 pm24 Kat

Here as always.
on 04 Jul 2012 at 5:15 pm25 Tina Roggenkamp

I’m here!
on 05 Jul 2012 at 12:43 am26 Jeanne

Me too!
on 06 Jul 2012 at 9:49 pm27 Annie Rose

I totally understand. I have had my blog in the works for a couple of years and, honestly, have been horrible at bringing it to life. It’s not out of laziness. It is purely because it scares the heck out of me. If it were to grow, I think I would have a hard time not feeling the pull to either censor myself or the pressure to give my audience what they want. It’s a challenge to satisfy the desire to connect with like-minded gems (people), but have it be like your own bathroom, where you can pee in peace without interruption. I feel ya. I do.
on 07 Jul 2012 at 3:45 pm28 Chrissy(Joi)

I am here.
on 08 Jul 2012 at 8:08 pm29 cristin

hi.:)
on 19 Aug 2012 at 7:56 am30 Beverly

I love your blog and follow it so that I can supplement my sons education since I am unable to homeschool at this point in time.