Being Present
Oct 1st, 2008 by Alicia
Tonight I played computer games with a very heavy 5 year old on my lap. It was the most important work I could be doing.
I was looking something up on the computer and Jack came in and asked if I’d earn him money on Webkinz. Jack feels loved when you do rather odd things for him, and this is one of them. I can do that!
So he crawled onto my lap and I wrapped one arm around him while using my free hand to play “Smoothie Moves” to level 9.
My boy is heavy compared to his one year-old brother but for now he fits on my lap without too much discomfort on either of our parts. We had to wiggle and shift and occasionally hurl ourselves in one direction or another but it was so worth it.
He fell asleep in my arms and I carried him to his bunk bed. I had to wake him to get him up to the top, because I just can’t hoist him no matter how I try. I talked him back to sleep right away and covered him with blankets.
I love this 5 year old boy. I love this stage– this teetering between little and big kid, this almost-reading, always-learning, sweet and crazy-making age. I love the way he’d love to marry me and live with me forever. I love the way he nags me to do kindergarten with him. I love the way he thanks me for the small things I do as his mother.
This is the only year in eternity that Jack will be 5 years old. It will never come again and I don’t want to miss it. Likewise, Alex will never again be 1. Anna will never again be 8. Victoria will never again be 10.
Every age of childhood introduces us to a new and different child whom we will never meet again. I want to enjoy them, to savor knowing each of my children fully and celebrate each beautiful, bittersweet year.
They’re all asleep now and it’s easy to cherish them now that it’s quiet and calm. Nobody is crying, fighting or snatching. This is the time of night that I remind myself of how short our time is and how much I treasure these wild and wonderful little people we’ve created.
I love the feeling of a sweet, sleepy kindergartener on my lap. I’ll miss this someday and I don’t want to waste it.
Now to just remember all this better during the heat of the day when there is all the crying, fighting and snatching…
Sniff, I have a boy about to turn 14. I am turning from teacher to guidance counselor, I’m not so sure I like that. I can see the checkered flag at the end of the path, I’m not so sure I like that either!
But, I still have 3 girls ages 3,6, and 9. They don’t seem to be getting older as fast as the boy is.
Thank you for this reminder. I let myself get caught up in the dailiness and the grind of life way too often. I forget that it is fleeting. I appreciate your wisdom and your insight… I’ve linked to this post on my blog in one of my posts, hope you don’t mind. Thanks again for this…
[…] Bayer talks about cherishing each step in a her children’s growth in Being Present posted at Magic and […]
“It was the most important work I could be doing.”
I couldn’t agree more! I’m a stay-at-home-Mum and people often ask me what on earth I do with my time because they think I don’t do anything.
Even though sometimes it can get a little tedious pulling the train around the track for the hundredth time, or watching the same DVD until I know all the words by heart, then I think to myself that when he gets older and requires less of me, I’m going to wish I spent more time with him when he was younger.